


The Artificially Sweetened Kiss

by aam5ever



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Conflict, Crack Fic, Diet Coke, Other, legit as hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-03-14 08:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 5,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3403850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aam5ever/pseuds/aam5ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan falls in love with Diet Coke. Seriously. I'm not kidding. Read it. I'm not lying, here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The High Before the Crash

**Author's Note:**

> Don't look at me.

Ryan stared at Diet Coke, who was inching closer towards him. "Diet, please..." He looked around, unsure of their actions. "Not here, not now..." 

The can smoothed down his caramel locks, sharing a look with him before moving closer and closing the distance. Their lips met hastily. Ryan's lips were wettened instantly and he pulled away, still wary.

"Th-this is forbidden..." Ryan stammered, tripping over his own words. His blue eyes met aluminum. The man blushed at the taste in his mouth left by Diet Coke's sweet kiss. He licked his lips, and shuddered under the can's gaze.

Diet Coke smirked. "Tch, the best fruit is always taboo..." 

"Diet-"

"Hush." Diet Coke quieted Ryan with yet another deep kiss. "Before they find us."

Ryan, already flushed, asked, "Who?" while looking away. He was embarrassed at the mercy he was at for Diet Coke. He'd do anything for the high that Coke gave him, even things that would make him blush even more crimson than he was now.

The aluminum can gave him a look before gazing off into the distance. "Diet Pepsi."

Over the nearby hill, a battle cry was heard.

Diet Coke held Ryan closer. 

"They're here."


	2. It Was Just A Diet Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why did I even include this part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey it's back

"Ryan?"

"Ryan."

"Ryan, for fuck's SAKE!"

The man snapped out of his daydream to see Geoff staring at him weirdly. "What the hell are you dreaming about? You're basically drooling." He joked, and then turned back to his computer monitor. "Get back to work, will you?" Geoff then slid his headphones back on.

"S-sorry, boss..." Ryan sheepishly apologized. The man wonder how long he had spaced out. He looked down at the Diet Coke can held tightly in his hand, love and lust having a firm hold on his heart.

The sweet taste still lingered on his tongue.

The man took his other finger and slowly dragged it across the top of the can affectionately. "No one must know." He spoke quietly, and to himself. He could almost hear Diet Coke agreeing with him, in his mind.

From the other side of the room, Ray glared at Ryan and his beloved Diet Coke jealously. "One day, I will be that can, Haywood..." He then took a sip of his Diet Pepsi. "One day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow would ya look at that  
> Tumblr: aam5ever  
> If this fic gets spread I s2g


	3. The Betrayal

In the midst of another daydream on another day, Ryan was very unaware of his surroundings. He gazed off into space with an aroused look in his eyes. His dream at the moment was intense.

"Quick, Ryan!" Diet Coke called out to him. "Our love will get us through this war between the Cokes an the Pepsi's!" Ryan quickly followed the can into their secret room, right as Pepsi soldiers marched into the house. The room was small, and they were chest to aluminum. Diet Coke looked into his lover's eyes, and embraced him. "We're safe in here..."

"Won't they find us?" Ryan quietly asked, afraid of raising his voice above a whisper.

Diet Coke shook his head, sure of himself. "We're at our safest in here..." He then kissed Ryan. "You're so beautiful, as always."

Ryan blushed pink once more. "Is-isn't this a bad time...?" He stammered, shuddering under Diet Coke's gentle stroke of the man's cheek.

"Our love is timeless, my flower."

While in this daydream, Ryan never noticed Ray secretly switch his Diet Coke with a Diet Pepsi. Ray, after placing the Coke on his own desk, pretended as if he was innocent.

"Look!" He then pointed at his coworker, Ryan. "Ryan's drinking Diet Pepsi!" 

"Huh?" Ryan snapped out of his state just as everyone gasped. He then looked down at the blue can that was placed on his desk, and fell right into Ray's lie. His face became the palest anyone has ever seen it. "What... what have I done?"


	4. Oh, how the Turned have Tables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk anymore guys. Just ride out this train with me.

Gavin and Michael looked at each other before speaking simultaneously.

"What?"

"M-my dear, sweet Coke..." Ryan's voice was faint, his heart pounding. He hasn't remembered taking a Diet Pepsi, but the proof was right on his desk.

Or was it?

Ray was fighting off the guilt. "Ryan, I thought you loved Diet Coke."

"I do!" He admitted, flushing a bit. "I..."

"Pardon me," Geoff interrupted, "but what the fuck is going on?"

"Ryan took Pepsi instead of Diet Coke." Gavin explained effortlessly. He was obviously engrossed in this story.

Geoff raised an eyebrow. "And this matters because...?"

"My love, please forgive me!" The heartbroken man pleaded to the Coke on Ray's desk. The can said nothing. 

"He wants nothing to do with you." Ray said.

Just then, something in Ryan's head clicked. "Wait... you don't even LIKE Diet Coke!"

Gavin gasped, gripping onto Michael. "This is intense!" He whispered not-so-quietly.

"Shut the fuck up, will you?" Michael said, followed by, "I'm trying to listen..."

"I-I... uh..." Ray stammered, unsure of what to say. He had been caught sticky-handed. "I co-could've changed..."

Ryan shook his head in disbelief. "It was you who switched our cans!" He said, then picking up the Pepsi. "This can isn't even open!"

Yet another gasp came from the Brit from the far side of the room.

Geoff rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna fire all of you one day."

"Admit it, Ray!" Ryan pressured the man. 

With a bit of reluctance, the younger man finally gave in. "I..." He sighed. "Yes, I did it."


	5. An Explanation

"Ray... Ray, why?" Ryan asked, confused as to why anyone would do such a thing.

Ray was stuck. He couldn't do anything but confess. "I was jealous." He was met with silence and stares. 

"Called it!" Jon shouted from the couch.

Geoff turned, surprised. "Risinger, when the fuck did you get here?"

"I'm always here, dude." The man told him. "When am I NOT here?"

Everyone took this into consideration before nodding and murmuring agreements.

"Jealous?" Ryan questioned. "Of who?"

"Of him." Ray pointed a shaky finger to the Diet Coke, who fizzed slightly in response. "Why do you love him so much? He doesn't treat you with the respect you deserve!"

Ryan's brows furrowed, fists clenching. "He treats me with every ounce of respect he can! He holds me, takes care of me-"

"Bullshit!" Ray yelled back.

Gavin gripped Michael tighter. "Oh, Micoo~"

"Get off me!" His friend shook him off. Gavin pouted in response before turning back to the drama unfolding before them.

"He doesn't treat you as well as I can, Ry..." Ray calmed down, looking away and blushing an impossible shade of pink. "Because... he doesn't love you like I do."

Geoff raised an eyebrow. "I'm slightly interested in this shit now."

Ryan's eyes widened, heart pounding hard in his chest. What was happening? Where was this coming from? It was all so sudden... "Ray... but my heart belongs to Diet Coke..."


	6. The Arrow to the Heart

The statement hit Ray with such force that he felt winded. Dizzy. The room was dead silent, even Risinger waiting in anticipation. Finally, Ray spoke. "But has he been honest to you?" He then ripped off his shirt to reveal another under it. 

It was a shirt, advertising Diet Pepsi. 

"No stripping in the workplace!" Geoff told him. Everyone ignored it.

Ryan's eyes widened. "What... what does this mean?"

"It means he always thought of me as the enemy." Ray admitted. "I was the Diet Pepsi to his Diet Coke..." He then blushed. "When all I wanted to be is the sugar to your soft drink."

The new notion was world shattering. The fantasies he and Diet Coke had... it was nice, but all to make Ray up as their enemy. But he wasn't an enemy, was he?

"Diet Coke..." He breathed out. His mouth suddenly remembered the cool "Why did you keep this from me?" 

Gavin was at the edge of his seat with Michael. "What'll happen next?"

"Sh!"


	7. The Bigger Reveal. It was bigger than the other 5. I promise.

"Ray, the home wrecker!" Jon yelled yet again from the couch.

Ryan's eyes stared into Ray's, both unsure of what will happen next. "Do you expect me to just... just forget everything me and Diet Coke had?" He said, waiting for an answer.

Ray looked away, suddenly ashamed. "I just wanted you to see who he really was." He then glared at the silver and red can. "An overprotective Diet Douche."

The Diet Coke let out a small fizz in response.

"Don't you talk to him like that!" Ryan snapped.

"He's talked to me like that before!" Ray retorted. The room gasped once more.

On a cue that nobody really gave him, Jack waltzed in with coffee and weird look on his face. "Hey guys... why's everyone staring at Ray and Ryan?"

"Shut up, Jack!" Gavin hushed him before gesturing him to come over. "Sit and watch!"

Jack, not ready to process or contemplate the drama taking place, complied. He pulled up a chair in between Michael and Gavin, sipped his coffee, and watched.

Geoff, exasperated by it all, folded his arms and sighed. He shook his head and mourned the passing of his sanity.

"You?" Ryan's face now expressed a look of concern. "Why you?"

"I guess he didn't tell you..." Ray sighed before giving away yet another secret. "Diet Coke and I were a thing before, too."


	8. Diet Coke's Sweet Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I thought I was done with this.  
> Thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry mom and dad

"I guess nobody told the both of you..." 

Everyone turned to the voice.

"That I have my own voice!"

There were gasps throughout the entire room, staring at the new figure now with them. It was Diet Coke, in a human-like form. He had strong, muscular arms and legs, and was the shiniest aluminum they've ever seen. He spoke with a deep, sweet drawl that almost made Jack and Gavin swoon. 

Ryan held a hand to his chest, eyes wide. "Diet Coke!" He has never seen his form like this, except for in his daydreams.

Meanwhile, Ray glared. "Hmph." He turned his head away, arms crossed. "Glad to see you're looking well." He mumbled sarcastically, yet stealing glances at Diet Coke's well toned calves.

The can-human-thing looked around at everyone, and then smirked. His teeth were white, despite him being soda. "Sorry that I was so silent, my dear." He went to Ryan, holding onto one of the man's hands. "But now I can see the uncertainty in your eyes." He tilted Ryan's chin up, staring into those blue eyes of his. "You mustn't lose hope with our love."

"But what about our love?" Ray asked, which turned Diet Coke's attention to him. "I thought we were something, too!"

The can hybrid sighed, still holding onto Ryan's hand. "Ray, I have wronged you, of course, but can you put that aside to see how happy we are together?" He saw the doubt on the man's face. "I'll make up my wrongdoings to you too, somehow..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: aam5ever


	9. Bittersweet No More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coke and Ray organize a makeshift ex-counseling, and thus ends story arc #1 of Ryan and Diet Coke's love story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a wild ride through story arc 1, hasn't it?  
> (This is fucking ridiculous)

Geoff rubbed his temples. "What the fuck am I doing..."

"There is only one remedy to this mess..." Diet Coke tried to explain. "And that remedy is to speak out our feelings-"

"Don't... talk to me..." The boss looked over at the human soda. "I'm still unsure about why you exist."

Ryan looked offended. "Take that back!"

"It's okay, my sweet," Diet Coke held Ryan's hand tighter. "I understand what he means."

Gavin and Jack, meanwhile, had obtained popcorn at this point. Diet Coke and Ray were going to have a heart to heart in the office, and Geoff was there to be the therapist of the two.

"So..." Geoff clapped his hands together. "What's the problem?"

"Diet Coke seemed like he never loved me." Ray pouted, folding his arms.

The Coke hybrid looked, somehow, concerned. "Oh, Ray, I should have never left us off on such a sour note."

Ray looked back at him, eyeing the Coke up and down. "You just act like you never even liked me...and then when I started to drift away from you and look towards Ryan, you broke up with me and were suddenly attached to his lips! How the fuck am I supposed to feel about that?"

Ryan gave Ray a look of sympathy. Jack and Gavin were sniffling at the scene, Michael rolling his eyes but still snagging a few pieces of popcorn from their bag.

"Oh, Ray of sunshine..." The Hispanic seemed to soften as he heard his old nickname. "I should have taken into account how you felt..." Diet Coke's modulated, addicting voice filled the room as he looked towards Ray with much more understanding. "I do hope you understand that I strictly love Ryan now... but I should have appreciated you much more. You weren't nothing to me. You were, actually, a lot."

Geoff had waited for Coke to finish before clearing his throat. "Well, um..." He seemed to have gotten choked up by the aluminum man's words. "Is-is everything cleared up now?"

They all looked towards Ray, who seemed to contemplating. He gasped slightly when Diet Coke took one of his hands. "Do you forgive me?" He asked the man.

Ryan smiled softly at them when he nodded. 'I do."

Geoff sighed, sort of happy this was all over. "Thank fuckin' Christ." He looked at his watch, and gasped. "This shit took three Goddamn hours!?"

Diet Coke chuckled, looking over at Ryan. "Well, I suppose it's time I become dormant again..."

Ryan's eyes widened, unsure if he wanted Coke to revert back to his regular form. "Wait..." He took his hand when Diet Coke stood up, and stood up with him. "Will I ever see you in... in this form again?" He blushed slightly, not wanting to seem needy.

Diet Coke smirked, pulling in Ryan by the hand so he could hold him by the waist and look into his icy blue eyes. "My dearest, I'll be present in both your dreams and your real life." He then kissed him tenderly, full of passion, before reverting back into his old form as a plain old red and silver coke can.

The man took a big swig of the can before placing it back on his desk and getting back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: aam5ever


	10. Unopened Can

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Diet Coke take a fizz for the worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with this shit.

"It was one family dinner!"

"You got a second drink, Ryan!"

"I was thirsty!"

Diet Coke sighed in his humanoid form, pinching the tab of his nose. "Ryan, that doesn't change a thing."

They were discussing Ryan's beverage of choice while out with relatives. Ryan usually ordered Diet Coke, but this restaurant didn't have that option, which then... well...

"I can't exactly get what they don't have, Coke!" Ryan protested with folded arms. 

Diet Coke fizzed to himself before speaking out. "So why couldn't you just get a water?"

At that, Ryan turned red. "Uh... um..."

"Exactly!"

They stared at each other, Ryan biting his lip and Diet Coke expecting an answer. Finally, Ryan just rolled his eyes. "You're being so jealous. Sprite and I obviously have nothing going on."

Diet Coke didn't let up. "Oh yeah? And how can you prove that?"

"I love you only!" Ryan threw up his hands, annoyed. "Do you honestly think I don't, because of some damn family dinner?"

"Why are you yelling at me?"

Ryan sighed, closing his eyes before he actually got angry with his lover. "I'm going to go to the bar with Geoff." He went to get his keys.

Diet Coke was obviously not happy with that. "Are you gonna meet up with Sprite there too?"

Not answering him, the man left. Diet sighed, running a hand across his chin. He knows that he shouldn't be so hard on Ryan, but he couldn't help his personal insecurities.

People usually liked regular over diet drinks anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: aam5ever


	11. Watering Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff and Ryan meet up and talk about the problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm surprised I haven't went to the birds yet

The bar was the mood of sloshing through ice cold water. It was like sweating in a jacket and then taking it off in winter weather. It was slow, uneventful, and not even a quarter full, but this is where Ryan and Geoff were found. 

The two were sipping their drinks and surveying the scene from the tasteless bar stools. Ryan had a water, paranoid that drinking anything else would get Diet Coke mad at him even more. Geoff took a swig of his beer before putting it down and raising an eyebrow at his employee.

He sighed. "I'm guessing you and Mr. Red and Silver are having a bit of troubles, right?"

Ryan nodded, looking worried. "I don't know what to do, dude." He said. "It's like he's worried about things that I've never even thought of."

"...listen, Ryan..." Geoff sat forward more so they could be a bit closer. "You and Diet Coke are a... unique relationship. Losing that would be unthinkable." He had no idea that a relationship like this was even fucking imaginable, but dealt with it. "It's the little things that may be a part of a bigger thing. Maybe you're missing a bigger picture."

The notion was something Ryan hadn't even pondered. Maybe he was missing something... "I don't know where to begin looking."

"Begin looking at Diet Coke." Geoff advised. He sipped his beverage once more. "Body language, how he treats you, all that shit. Become fucking Sherlock." 

Ryan bit his lip, but still listened. "Yeah... I'll see if you're right."

His boss smirked. "Besides... a few 'I'm sorry' sweets never hurt."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: aam5ever


	12. Mentos and Diet Coke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This can literally go as well as you think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As soon as I thought of this I cackled.

"Sweetie?" Ryan timidly opened the door to his house. He stayed silent, expecting a reply, but got silence. Closing the door behind him, he hung up his keys and kept a few items behind his back with one hand. "Diet? Where are you?"

The house remained still. 

The man sighed, knowing that the soda was ignoring him most likely. He swept through the house, looking for his aluminum boyfriend. Ryan had a few gifts for him, to say sorry. He wondered if Coke had left the house just as he finds him, in can form, on the kitchen floor.

Ryan smiled at the can, hoping he wasn't still too mad. "Hey babe..." The beverage didn't do a thing. "...babe?"

The drink transformed into his human form, arms already folded. "What." Okay, maybe Diet Coke was still fizzed off. Just maybe. 

"I got you a few things to make you feel sweeter." Ryan told him with a smile that hoped Diet Coke wouldn't get too angry with him. "I'm sorry for making you feel bad... close your eyes."

"Do you even know what you're apologizing-"

"Babe," Ryan interrupted him quickly. "I want to see you smiling again." He said it with such sincerity that Diet Coke complied with only a small frown. The can man closed his eyes, and Ryan fed something small to him. Suddenly, his eyes popped wide open. 

"Ryan, what did you..." Diet Coke couldn't finish his sentence, stomach bubbling upsettingly at what he just consumed.

His boyfriend held up a pack of mentos. "I got you some candy, and flowers!" He gestured to the white daisies he had placed on the counter. 

"But I'm- I'm allergic to-" And that's when Diet Coke started spewing like an untamed water hose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: aam5ever


	13. Moderately Mended

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Diet Coke talk out the issue.

Ever since the incident with the Mentos, Ryan had to nurse Diet Coke back to health. The aluminum man laid there in the bed, an ice pack on his head to keep him cool and Ryan spoon feeding him sugar.

"How're you feeling?" It's been a few hours since the incident, the sun low in the sky. Ryan looked into the eyes of his lover, who started to look himself again. "Can I get anything else for you, dearest?"

Diet Coke shook his head. "I'm okay." He assured him. His eyes shifted away before he spoke again. "I'm sorry I overreacted... I should have trusted you."

"What?" Ryan had almost forgotten the entire situation. Once he jogged his memory, the man sadly smiled. "No, it's okay... dearest, you had every right to do so... I should have talked it out with you."

Diet Coke sighed, sitting up in the bed. He took Ryan's warm fingers into his cold ones, causing the human to blush ever so slightly. "Ryan, my love... I was being petty." He admitted. "I was just so accustomed to... nobody liking diet." The humanoid was looking away, knowing that staring into Ryan's watering blue eyes would make him tear up as well. 

"Oh, Diet Coke!" Suddenly, Ryan's arm were around him. He hugged him back, loosening his grip as the man pulled back to look at him. "You're my favorite soda, my favorite flavor in the world! No soft drink could compare to you." He kissed the lips of Diet Coke. Pulling away, Ryan whispered a soft, "I love you."


	14. Ready for the Sodium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan shares that he's ready to go a bit farther with his lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go...

It was a calm Tuesday evening. Diet Coke had just returned from his can form, and began making Ryan some dinner. He himself didn't eat much, except for a bit of processed sugar to get his energy going and his sweet heart pumping. Ryan was sitting in the kitchen, at the oakwood table. He seemed to be having deep thought, glancing up from his book to look over at Diet Coke. The humanoid was so attractive... His aluminum seeming to glisten in the warmth of the kitchen. Ryan couldn't help it; his refrigerator-cool boyfriend was looking pretty damn hot.

But he just couldn't say what was on his mind! Even if they've been together for a while now... how does one even bring up the topic? How does one admit that he's... ready?

"Ryan..." The sudden deep voice made Ryan jump in his seat. Diet Coke chuckled, causing the human to blush slightly. "Are you okay?"

In response to the concern, he nodded. "Yeah I am. It's just..." He bit his lip. Now was a better time than ever. "I have something to talk to you about." The look of sincere worry made Ryan rush to say, "Nothing too serious..."

Diet Coke halted his cooking. He went over, turned the chair across from Ryan around. And sat in it. His arms were crossed in top of the back of the chair, eyes curiously looking into the blue ones across from him. "What's wrong, my love?"

"I..." God, even the way his artificially sweetened love was _sitting_ was sexy. Could Ryan ever catch a break? "I think... um..."

"Say it. I'm all ears."

"I think I'm ready."

At that, Diet Coke's face went from curiousity to surprise. Ready? "For... having sex?"

Flushed, Ryan nodded. He was ready, alright. Ready and blushing like a moron. "Is that okay with you?" He blurted out the question.

Diet couldn't help but grin. Ryan was so unsure... yet he shouldn't be. Diet Coke took Ryan's hands into his cold ones. "Of course it's okay with me, Ry." He squeezed his hands a little as extra reassurance. "Ever since I was just a dream, I've always wanted a connection with you... and now that we're dating and I couldn't be happier." The statement made Ryan smile. "Now you're ready to make another step into this relationship... how could I say no?"

Ryan was happy this talk went so well. He reached over the table and kissed Diet Coke's cheek, who laughed. "We do you want to...?" He couldn't really finish the sentence.

"Ryan," Coke stood up. "Whenever you're ready, I'll be ready." And then he went back to his cooking.


	15. Condensation Persuasion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little more hot than cold tonight...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written in a while and now this happened. What the fuck.

"What do I do? How should I initiate it?"

"Ryan, it's your boyfriend. I think you'll figure it out."

The conversation between Ryan and Ray was around Diet Coke. Ryan had told Ray about the conversation they had a week ago. The two haven't talked about it since, and now Ryan was starting to get cold feet about it all. 

He sighed. "But-" Just then, the bedroom door opened. He fumbled with the phone, managing a, "Gotta go." before clicking the end call button. 

"Who was that?" The smooth voice of Diet was like music to his ears. "Anything important?" He fully entered the bedroom, a red towel wrapped around his waist. He had just come from an ice bath, which kept Coke nice and fresh. The towel couldn't hide the V shape of his hips, and the defined muscles that were in his arms and calves. Ryan wanted those strong, capable arms around him, holding him close as Diet Coke captured him in his frosty lips-

He had almost forgotten that his boyfriend asked him a question. "I-uh, it was just Ray." Ryan told him, putting his phone on the bedside table. 

The smirk he gave made Ryan break out into a cold sweat. Diet slowly made his way over to him, a finger dragged his way up his leg, over the fabric of his shirt, and stopped at his neck. Ryan shuddered, the touch cool and captivating. He held Coke's hand to his neck, looking up at his sugar free face.

"You know, Ryan..." Diet Coke sat at the foot of the bed. "You really are exquisite." His thumb reached up to softly glide against the bottom of Ryan's chin. This was all doing wonders for Ryan, eyes firmly locked with his lover's. He couldn't mistake the obvious way Diet Coke turned him on. 

A barely audible whisper escaped his lips. "Good God, Coke..." He shimmied over so that Diet Coke had more room, and Ryan let his hand reach out and move across the rippling muscles on his arm. "You're... like a damn God..." The compliment came out so easily and thoughtlessly, he was brought back to the read world when Diet Coke chuckled.

"Does that make you my Goddess, Ryan?" He asked, a playful yet seductive smirk meeting his boyfriend when he looked over.

Ryan nodded, without a doubt. "Diet Coke...?"

His soda pop leaned in closer, attentive to what Ryan had to say. "What is it?" They didn't break eye contact.

He couldn't believe the confidence that washed over him. Almost breathlessly, the human said, "I'll be whatever you want me to be tonight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: aam5ever


	16. Sweet Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Softcore Soda Smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Great. Just great.

Ryan slowly placed his hand over Diet Coke's towel. He felt the bulge underneath, and gulped. "So..."

"So...?" Diet Coke began to slowly remove his towel. Ryan looked on with baited breath, staring as he revealed himself. "Is this okay?"

Quickly, the man nodded. He was already stinging his cheeks from his blush, and his heart beat one thousand times a second. His palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy-

"Dearest..." Coke's fingers caressed his cheek once more. "You look frightened." The concern was etched into his features, dripping from his voice.

At that, Ryan found his words. "No. Just... shocked. It's... so big..." He was with other people, but never has he seen Diet Coke naked before. He drank in every moment of it. Honestly, the sight was too tempting to pass up.

Diet smirked. "Do you think you can handle it?"

"I'll do my best."

Soon enough, Ryan was worked up and just as nude as Diet Coke. His lips were pink and wet from all the kisses they exchanged, and he was laying there, on the bed, ready for Diet Coke. He reached up, bringing Diet's head down so they could stare into each other's eyes. "Are you ready for real man's jingle?" He asked, face full of desire and lust.

The humanoid nodded. He reached over and pulled out a bottle cap from the bedside drawer. "I have protection." He made sure to let Ryan know. "Tell me when you're ready."

Ryan took a few moments for himself. His life had been uneventful till these past few months. He had the soda of his dreams looming over him, breathing heavy and waiting for his mark. Ryan himself was done with hesitation. He wanted to go all the way. He wanted to feel Diet's love inside him, to really understand how much elation Coke could let him achieve. "I'm... I'm ready." 

It was magical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: aam5ever


	17. Sweet shoes, Bro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meg got Ryan some special shoes.

"Oh my-"

"Are those-"

"Shut up." Ryan blushed profusely as he sat by his desk. The entire Achievement Hunter office was staring at him, a few in awe while most were holding back giggles.

Meg had done him the service of gifting him new shoes, which he was most thankful for. However, the tailoring of the shoes made Ryan go pale upon seeing them. He was a walking brand of Diet Coke, and due to this, he contemplated either never going home or throwing them away.

And god knows he couldn't throw these away.

Still, it was hard to look up at these men who were giggling like fucking schoolgirls. "Your boyfriend will really like those, won't he?" Michael said, straining himself not to smile. 

Ryan rolled his eyes, swirling his chair to his computer and becoming suddenly immersed in his work. "Good God, I can't tell if Meg likes you or hates you." Jack said, which caused an eruption of laughter that Ryan was sure he could have heard from Gus' office. 

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." He fit his headphones over his ears, turned on a working playlist, and gets to work on whatever the Hell he could click. Maybe it was time to play a game for the Game Club. 

Still, he could hear the guffaws behind him. It was about to be worst at home, Ryan bet.

He lost that bet.

"Ryan, these are so fantastic!" Diet Coke marveled over the shoes. Ryan looked at him wide eyed, not expecting this at all. "We need to get Meg a gift basket or something. She's so sweet!"

The shoes were placed near the door, Diet Coke looking over once and a while to praise them mentally. "Whoever did that also needs one, don't you think Rye?" 

"Yeah..." Ryan couldn't help but chuckle. "I honestly thought you would hate them." He saw the surprise on Coke's face, as if he had accused him of something unheard of.

With disbelief, he shook his head. "Oh darling, I could never!" They held hands, looking at the shoes. "I love them.


	18. Coke Flavored Birthday Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan gets a pleasant surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus Christ I cannot remember the last time I updated this. Well. Here it is again.

Ryan came home, keys jingling as he disconnected them from the lock. A small sigh escaped him, but a smile replaced his indifferent expression. He knew who was waiting for him at this point. They've been together for so long now, had their ups and downs; it was like any other relationship. Only for them, they had something different. Something... sweeter.

 

He couldn't deny the way his heart beat in his chest, anticipation working its way through his system. The rest of the house was still dark; the hallways led to doors that were mainly closed and the air was cool with that early December air. It was approaching winter, the cold nipping at the thresholds of homes, yet it never entered. 

 

With a small step forward, Ryan hung his keys on the hook nearby and called into the house. “Dear?” The voice and its tone echoed slightly, steps creaking the dark wood floorboards beneath his feet. He continued to walk into his home, wondering where his lovely fiancé had gone. Ah yes, by this time he had been popped the question, and by this time he had accepted. The two of them were happy and ready to take the next big step or two. 

 

“Sweetheart, you there?” There was no real answer, and Ryan found nothing else to do but go to the bedroom. He let the air remain silent and relaxed, feeling as though he was not alone in the house. His darling was going to surprise him, and that was completely correct. However, he hadn't expected the other’s method of surprise.

 

As he noticed the light down the hallway, Ryan chuckled softly. “Baby, I know you're in there.” He called, now walking towards and then into the bedroom. The sight he was met with caused him to stop short and examine. No, not examine... take in. Behold.

 

Before him was Diet Coke, silver and red aluminum shining and somewhat moist with condensation. What you could see of his legs were toned and muscled, calves strong and thighs thick. His arms were just as pronounced. Ryan remembered getting held in them as they lay together in the dark of the bedroom, feeling the slight warm touch... 

 

His breath caught in his throat as he saw what Diet Coke was wearing. On the lean clean tin machine was a maids outfit, short and tight. It was straining to contain his large chest, tight against the flighty material. The ruffles of the skirt barely brushed the upper part of his knee, and there seemed to be a matching bow in the back and headpiece on Diet Coke’s head. 

 

Unsure what to say, all Ryan could breath out was, “Wow.” 

 

Moving forward, Diet Coke wrapped his arms around Ryan’s neck and gave him a loving look. Ryan’s bright blue eyes returned it, and he felt Diet Coke’s cool fingers card through the hair on the back of his head. Pressing slightly into Ryan, he leaned in a little more as if to kiss him with all the passion Ryan had come to know and love. His deep, robust voice resonated in Ryan and sent a shiver down his spine, like always.

 

“Happy birthday, Ryan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: aam5ever
> 
> Feel free to send me asks and stuff!

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and... and... this is comic relief I promise


End file.
